I am in a dark place today. The blowing snow outside my window together with a difficult day with my kids moods is not helping. But the real reason for my dark place? No more denial, I am hurt. Which is a crushing blow. I've been here before, but I cannot handle it again. I cannot handle once again not being able to RACE in Seattle at the end of June.
When I started having twinges in my shin, I eased up. When the twinges turned to pain, I stopped running and hit the eliptical. Yesterday I was doing my thing on the eliptical, on the easiest resistance. I was almost to mile four, and I felt a twinge. I slowed down, eased the hill level down. Just past mile four pain shot through my shin. No no no no, this isn't happening. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I really wanted to throw something. (mature, huh?)
I stopped. I got off the machine, and wiped it down. My leg hurt. Not good at all. I texted my husband for a ride, (he had dropped me off). I went upstairs, and did some upper body, just to feel like I had gotten something from my workout.
I came home defeated. And cried. I don't cry often, and my husband has no idea what to do or say when I do, since it doesn't happen often. I had a pity party on the couch with an ice pack, while my family went to church. (the only bonus-fantastic payoff basketball last night)
I am in a dark place today. I want to eat every piece of candy in the house. I am terrified to eat anything, knowing I can't burn the calories. This is obviously not a healthy place to be, but how do you get out of a dark place?
I made an appointment with a sports doctor for next thursday. I am terrified, but wish it was sooner just for the answers I hope to get.